Here are My Technology Boundaries for 2020

In a recent blog post I introduced the idea of creating a personal Technology Manifesto for 2020.

Backstory: I want to decide in advance how I’m going to utilize digital media and technology. I know I struggle with picking up my phone too much, scrolling through social media in excess, and generally letting technology be a distraction from the real world around me. So in an effort to continue to make my relationship with technology healthier, I have drafted my 2020 Technology Manifesto. 

Today I’m sharing how I filled out the Technology Manifesto Worksheet and what I am committing to for 2020. 

My Relationship with Technology in 2020

• My use of my phone will be strategic, measured, and thoughtful. I mentioned in this post that my word for the year is “strategic.” I want to maximize the tool that is my smartphone for helping me be productive, invest in relationships, and help others. But I don’t want to veer into territory that is not strategic. I don’t want to have addictive behavior. I want to be mindful of how and when and why I use my devices.

• I am going to take a break from social media for the month of July. I did this last year and it was the happiest month of 2019 for me. I love the experience of powering down in the summer and focusing more on my analog, IRL experiences. I think it is a great summer ritual that I want to continue.

• I will spend time without my phone entirely on a daily basis. I will plug it in, in my bedroom after putting Eloise to bed. Having it within arms length 24 hours per day is not healthy for me. This is by far the most challenging commitment in my manifesto. But I know that after 7 PM use of my phone has low ROI. This is a healthy practice that will likely be difficult for a while in the beginning but hopefully soon it will become another nice healthy habit. No phone pickups after 7!! (This should really help with the next item on my manifesto.) 

• An action I will take to increase my enjoyment of technology is to make a game out of lowering my average number of weekly pickups. Right now it is at an average of 7 pickups per waking hour. WHAT THE… That number is shockingly insane to me. (If you have an iPhone you can check your number of pickups by going to Settings>Screen Time>See All Activity.) I want to lower this over the course of 2020 to an average of 1.25 pickups per hour for a total of only 20 pickups her day. This seems like a realistic amount. There’s never more than 20 time sensitive reasons to pick up my phone in a day. Usually it’s under five... 

So there ya have it. I fleshed out my purpose and rationale for my approach to my handheld devices this year. And then I made commitments to not having free rein with my technology. Measured. Thoughtful. Strategic. That’s what I want. I want to know where my time is going. Where my energy is going. Where my focus is going. I want my daughter to rarely see me on my phone (not the other way around.) And this public commitment to healthier technology habits is a great step in reaching out for accountability to reach that goal. 

So tell me. What do you want to do differently in your relationship with technology this year? Do you want to check your email less? Be more intentional about the hours you spend on YouTube? What about your Instagram habit? I would love to know what you are going to do to increase your happiness with technology in 2020. 

13 Things I Learned from Taking a Social Media Break

Last month I took a break from social media—the first substantial one I’ve taken in like 9 years.

(Full disclosure: the last time I did this I was avoiding the temptation of spying on an ex I was trying to shake. Who among us hasn’t stalked an ex but also didn’t want to have anything to do with them?) 

Now my life is wildly different: I use social media to connect with my podcast community, readers, clients, potential clients, and to occasionally share pictures of my ca-ute baby. 

I didn’t have one big reason for logging off social media. I just had this feeling that I was on it too much. I didn’t feel like I had a “problem.” But as soon as I logged off for a few days, I realized I did. Over the course of 31 days I had realization after realization of the way that social media—when unchecked—can steal joy, time, autonomy, creativity, and peace. 

Throughout my break I had lots and lots of thoughts and epiphanies about my experience. I jotted them all down and will unpack them over the course of a few blog posts. (I started in a recent post detailing how to nail a social media break without losing your mind.) 

Here are 13 things I learned during my social media sabbatical. I split them up into four main categories as these were the areas I saw were most affected: health (mental and otherwise), relationships, work, and autonomy.  I wonder if you can relate.

On Relationships

• I have a more accurate picture of my relationships when I don’t use social media as a crutch to feel connected. I became keenly aware of who I was intentionally reaching out to and who I heard from without the crutch of social media keeping us connected. When I’m seeing my close friends’ Instagram stories every day, days and weeks can go by without an intentional check in with them. Without that crutch I realized when I was both connected and disconnected from my friends.

• I used social media to stave off the pain of isolation. I became much more aware of my aloneness (not always ‘loneliness’) when I quieted the constant chatter of social media. I’m a work from home mom and an Enneagram 7. So while unplugging from social media reminded me of how I wanted more social interaction, it felt healthy and good to sit in the reality of my life (even if it’s painful) more often. After all, more interaction on social media doesn’t really meet the need for community that I have.

• During my break I was blissfully unaware of the daily details of the people I’m connected to on social media but not in real life. It’s so easy to become passive observers of people’s online lives who we don’t ever interact with. This doesn’t feel in line with my values.

On Work 

• My work became more productive and focused when I was not distracted by social media. When I was in need of a distraction after a hard think during my social media sabbatical, I would switch to some kind of simple task but it was never a black hole of distraction where I blinked and 20 minutes had disappeared. This led to more productivity and less frustration with myself.

• I’m more intentional with my personal and work connections when I’m not distracted by social media. I’ve been sending notes via snail mail!

On Autonomy

• On social media we are relinquishing our privacy, and we don’t even care. Companies know about our purchasing habits, political leanings, whether we’re married, a parent, religious affiliations… They have a disturbing amount of information that they can sell to third parties or use to their advantage to sell products to us.

• These apps are designed to be addictive. Those who use them are not autonomous; we are being manipulated by tech companies. Did you know that the notification button on Facebook was changed from blue to red because humans are drawn to red? “A lifetime of looking at stop signs, flags and warnings has taught us that we usually have to pay attention to the color red…Seeing them can release a small dose of cortisol, the stress hormone, which makes them want to click the app to get rid of them. This stress is followed by a small release of dopamine…when we read the message, creating an addictive cycle which can be hard to escape,” writes George Harrison of The Sun.

• I was not on my phone as much overall but I still found ways to passively use it to combat boredom (not necessarily a good thing). Social media can be a big time suck but mobile devices, whether on social media or not, are really a big piece of not letting ourselves get bored.

On Health (Mental and Otherwise) 

• My mind needs to be bored more often. When I have unrestricted access to social media I am always entertained. But my mind needs the refresh of being alone to wander.

• It’s important to take stock of what feels compulsive or toxic to you. For me: keeping social apps on my phone (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Messenger.) I eventually opted to respond to messages on LinkedIn if they were time-sensitive (and obviously, work-related). Things like podcasts, email, streaming video, text messaging do not land in the “compulsive/toxic” category for me, so I did not put limitations on them.

• Being on vacation and not having the option of giving a live play-by-play of my vacation on social media was freeing. I spent the last week of my break on vacation with my family. I could just be present. And I knew I wasn’t giving other people a reason to be jealous or feel bad about their own lives. It made me want to always pair social media breaks with vacation! It was so renewing.

Overall Conclusions 

It is very difficult to find the discipline to have a healthy relationship with social media. I don’t often have the energy for it. I don’t want to be a passive social media addict. But also, not being one is HARD. It takes thoughtfulness and discipline. And sometimes other aspects of my life use up my thoughtfulness and discipline reserves, so I don’t have much to give to living out my ideals on social media. The easiest thing is to just disconnect altogether.

I also want to figure out how to use social media and create content that helps people feel good and not bad. I know I can’t control how other people feel. But sometimes social media can really be used to help, inspire, and encourage. And somehow, I want to be in that camp—not the camp that leaves people living in the land of comparison and FOMO. This is difficult to measure, but a good goal.

Now that I took a month off from social media I think this will be something that I do on a regular basis. It felt great to unplug and free myself from the need to keep up (in so many ways). Social media is an incredible tool, but it can easily become toxic. In some seasons the best thing to do is to step away completely. 

Hey while you’re here—want 10 seasoned freelancers’ best career advice? Grab the Freelancer Cheatsheet here.